So yesterday was my 22nd birthday. I completely and wholeheartedly understand that I am young and still have a way to go until I will be considered “old,” but yet I still feel some of the creeping effects of age take hold. Honestly, I don’t feel a day older than I did this past weekend, yet I feel like I’m starting to be less and less relevant as the days tick by. Not that I was ever really labeled as cool or important, but my own inner dialogue did a fine job convincing me. Now I just feel more like a cog in a wheel.
Recently a group of friends at school and I have been playing the Korean MMO Archeage, mostly due to the fact that’s free to play (but pay to win, there’s a whole rant in there for a later date). There was a group of about eight to ten of us who have started to reach level cap and some of us who have started to spend less time with the game. I was one of the latter, taking a break at level 42 out of 50. The game has problems with its questing, they’re quite boring and rage inducing.
Topic for another day, again.
A second group of what to me are less experienced gamers, which could be solely an opinion and not true, have joined our ranks. They’ve taken more time to level than those of us who have less of a life and can spend hours at a time grinding through the game. Yet, when the second group started to reach level 30 a pit formed in my stomach. I couldn’t let them catch me. I couldn’t bring that shame upon the dojo. I see myself as a competent gamer and take pride in my meager accomplishments. Allowing this group to catch up would be unforgivable. Now I’m back in the game whenever I can find free time. My new PC can play the game on its highest graphical settings and thus the game is more enjoyable, but it’s still a bit of a chore.
This brings me back to my original concern. The older I get the more cynical I feel I have become. I’m more cynical when it comes to games, to relationships, and to life in general. I often assume the worst in others and I’ll hate myself for it later. Just little things like not keeping up with this blog for a few months made me feel like crap. It’s hard to tell if this is the result of stress or something else.
Maybe I’m just starting to be an old, cranky man after all.